Credo

by Dennis Green

I believe. And like all believers, I am a sum total of all that I have met, all the things I have believed in over the decades, including beliefs I held as a child and thought I had abandoned many years ago. That’s the richness of my personal mysticism after three score and ten.

There are times in all our lives when we feel it is important that we reject or deny something we once held to be true, in order to make room for something new, or simply to grow beyond where we were. But by that time, we have usually incorporated those old, previous beliefs into our very bones. That’s how it is with me.

I was raised Roman (French) Catholic, grew up in the midst of all that glory, the arched ceilings, the stained glass windows, the mourning, grieving, suffering alabaster statuary…the Mass in Latin, the rituals of standing, sitting, kneeling, genuflecting…the incense and the candles…the miters and the ceremonial processions…a worldly depiction of Heaven on Earth.

So there’s still a part of me that resonates to ritual, to ceremony and glorification. And I would not be true to myself if I denied that resonance, that connection to my own past. Taking it into account makes me a larger personality and persona than I was, say, as a sophomoric agnostic in the dorms.

And the agnostic is still there too, the denier. A very rational part of me knows that religion is corrupted by all sorts of worldly influences, that politics in church are as vicious as politics in academia, or anywhere. And so, I don’t go to church anymore, but that doesn’t mean my life is spiritually bereft.

And like Thoreau, I feel no obligation to be consistent, even with myself. Some days I scorn the concept of a personal God, at other times, I implore Him. Why should I narrow myself according to someone else’s theology or doctrine? Sometimes, I think Saul of Tarsus is still a Pharisee, and other days he strikes me as a Saint. “Do I contradict myself? Very well then…”

Some days I believe we were created in the image of God, and others that we created God in our image.

So it’s safe to say that I believe many things. Like Dylan, I believe in every breath I take. And like Dylan, I believe in Jesus and in Yahweh, in darkness and in the Light. But I don’t believe everything, or nothing. I am not a nihilist, or an atheist or a hard-headed pragmatist. No, I’m still rather dreamy-eyed, and optimistic in spite of myself.

I believe in natural selection, and that mutations happen all the time, that most of us contain at least an element or two of a mutated humanity, traits that will serve us very well someday. A very large comfort zone with computers, the internet and electronic gear may be a mutation serving us already, making some of us more successful, and more connected, than others are.

Some days I believe that “Faith” is just another word for “Ignorance” and other days I believe in the future of art, without any evidence or proof, along with the existence of my Muse.

Our DNA, after all, changes. Every one of us is a combination of the DNA from our father and the DNA from our mother. So besides those mutations and variants within an individual, each generation contains new combinations and variants. Even as an embryo, I was a platform for diversity.

I see no need to narrow my vision. Yes, I can be cynical about religion, and yes, I can still believe in the Holy Spirit. My whole life has been an encyclopedia of learning and belief. I believe in Evolution, and Plane Geometry, in politics and love. I don’t believe in politicians or ex-wives, however, or city council members scorned.

Credo. I believe. Do you?

©2010 Dennis Green