by Dennis Green
I sent an email to a lovely chum recently about flirting, and among the things I said are these: “Understand this: there IS no competition. You are one of a kind. Every woman is one of a kind, and my affections for women do not overlap in any way. I do not compare them, play them off against each other, or try to be with more than one at a time. If I'm there, I'm there 100%.
“Flirting is simply the way men and women bond in affection, a way of saying, ‘I really like you. I think you're neat, and bright and lovely and fun.’ Men bond with each other through horseplay, teasing, ‘capping’ on each other and putting each other down. From about age five onward. You see it all the time at the Tree.”
And as I was writing these sentiments, I realized just how important they are. I often have a dozen flirtations going on at any one time in my life, and they don’t compete or overlap, but exist solely on their own. They don’t threaten my relationship with Diane, don’t lead to love affairs, (anymore), but are often as deep and passionate as the best such affairs, which, for me, have also been great friendships.
I am crazy about women, and not just in a sexual or romantic way. I love talking to them, getting their slant on things, seeing them having a good time. Some of my best friends are lesbians, and I even dated one for a year, without ever getting even a goodnight kiss. They think and feel differently from us men, and way differently from gay men. Fag hag? Who’s zooming whom?
I tend to be drawn to very independent, strong-willed women. Feisty, sassy, confident enough to have a sense of humor, even about themselves. We’re told by some that this is the “new breed” of liberated, modern woman, but I suspect they’ve been around all along. What has changed in my lifetime is the role they’re expected to fill in society.
Very few of the women I know are married, or stay married. Most of them have lively, successful careers, or at least jobs that support them which they also enjoy. Some of them are lonely, have pretty much given up on the notion or expectation that they will find long-term, full-time companionship with a partner, either male or female.
What the media calls the greater opportunities available to women can also be a tremendous weight of responsibility. Not only do they not, or cannot, depend on men, or a man, to take care of them, but they often find themselves caring for an aged parent, or rearing their children all alone. As they assume higher and higher roles in management and politics, they also discover how lonely it can be at the top.
There is talk these days about “The End of the Man’s World” and I can’t help but feel sorry for my women friends. If you’re going to inherit the earth, I think, we’ll all be watching to see how much better a job you do with it. No wars? No crime? No divorce or domestic violence? No corruption? A kinder, gentler world? We’ll see.
In the meantime, some of the most pleasurable moments of my life are those times I’m flirting with a woman. We both know we like it, we want to, we might, we could, and we won’t. Not in this lifetime anyway.
©2010 Dennis Green
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