My Que

by Dennis Green

Ordinarily, I function with an I.Q. around 168, where it’s been tested several times over the years. It provides me with a fanciful imagination, a feisty spirit, and a Devil-May-Care attitude toward life, especially my own. I’m so used to having those intellectual ergs at my disposal that I don’t know how to function without them.

So…recently, when renal failure and subsequent hemodialysis left me seriously impaired, mentally and physically, I was too befuddled to think straight, let alone at my usual 16-cylenders. I was in a fog unlike anything I have ever known before, and in retrospect, I think I experienced what it might be like to have a below average I.Q.

When you’re used to sparking off at 168, let me tell you, it’s impossible to imagine how other, less gifted people operate. But after being medically impaired as I was for several weeks, I have an entirely new appreciation of such a difference than I have ever had before in my 69 years. And the revelation is remarkable!

Without my usual bright lights, I would never have been able to accomplish any of the important things I’ve done — no success in college to a degree that enabled me to pass my Master’s orals with a recommendation that I remain on the PhD track, teach freshman English at the University for ten years, and stop just short of the Doctorate by choice. No position as “Senior Editor” at that same University, none of the subsequent achievements in the corporate world, owning my own business, or in journalism…

When I was first identified as “gifted,” in the fifth grade in Blue Lake, California, my teacher wanted to skip me two full grades, but my mother demurred. I’m glad she did. But I’ve also never received any other special attention or fast-track educational opportunities. Public schools devote most of their special attention and funding to low-achievers, not the gifted, we who simply have to fend for ourselves.

And we do. Our natural advantage helps us satisfy the usual requirements of scholastic achievement with a margin of success that gives us that customary edge: we go the teachers one step better, and keep them on their toes. Before long, they’ll be organizing themselves into unions to protect themselves from us. Ya think!?!?

But such a gift, like all such gifts, humbles the recipient. In this state of humility and gratitude, trust me, no ego trips are allowed, or sought. The source of the gift itself is obvious, and no assumptions about the grace surrounding that gift are possible. The gift of Grace is, like the Sign of the Cross, unbidden and undeserved.

Imagine yourself bereft of half your I.Q., left in a mental state lacking your usual perceptions and acuity. I don’t have to. I’ve been there, done that. Suffered such a state of mind, and believe me, I don’t want to go there ever again!

And that loss, that experience, has shown me how serious a state of grace it is, having this gift and grace. I will never take it for granted again. But I will also never dismiss the efforts of those who don’t enjoy the beneficence I’ve known.

©2010 Dennis Green