Staying Alive

by Dennis Green

At the end of the Gold Rush, in 1977, we all began to hear a new style of music, with the Gibbs Brothers soundtrack to a movie called, Saturday Night Fever, and later the single hit, Staying Alive!. After my latest near-death experience, I know the feeling. End-stage renal failure is almost as much fun as discotheque!

Never mind any of that “S’cuse me while I kiss the sky!” stuff. It became enough just to survive. Lord knows that’s how I felt in June, 1970, following the Anti-War Riots in Isla Vista. At the soonest opportunity, Pam and I then moved out of I.V., and into a little cottage on Argonne Circle in the San Rogue District of Santa Barbara proper.

We lived there in that little one-bedroom cottage — actually an in-law unit behind another house — for nearly three years. They were the most peaceful three years of our seven-year marriage, and my best memories are of the two of us reading books from the library on our separate couches during the summer months, when I was still teaching and Pam was getting her degree, and we both had summers off. Two cozy book worms!

Three blocks away on foot we visited the nearest liquor store for our weekly purchase of wine and beer, or the nearby pet store, where I found new breeds of freshwater tropical fish for the aquarium, one of the few remnants from my first marriage. Our best friend was Dick Reichelderfer, newly married and living not far away, in a little apartment just off State & Mission Streets. Dick was finishing up his PhD in Organimatallic Chemistry at UCSB.

One year, from September ’72-June ’73, I also taught at Westmont College, there 4/5^th time, still teaching at the University full-time three days a week. I developed a deep grove between my eyebrows, commented on and lamented by my UC colleagues and friends, but the relatively massive income was welcome. Not long after that, Pam and I bought our first house.

But for a few years there, we were definitely holed-up, staying alive and little more. Leon Russel & His Asylum Choir were a big part of our lives, and we looked on in dismay as the Beatles broke up and one after another Jimi, Janis and Jim bought the farm. Many people we knew were simply hunkered down and taking refuge.

In today’s Weekly Kabbalah Tune-Up, I found the following advice: “Whether it's a romantic or business relationship, or a friendship, if we know it doesn't suit us anymore, it’s time to move on.” Funny, I’ve been doing that all my life. In 1976, even Pam and I went our separate ways. I find my situation, now, however, completely to my liking, and well-suited to the months or years I have remaining in my life.

Today’s Kaballah Tune-up asks, “What’s your next level?” And I don’t have a clue. With the dialysis, I’m just barely staying alive, and can’t imagine taking on a new project, identity or role.

Sometimes staying alive takes enormous effort and denial of the circumstances we face, and at other times staying alive is just what comes naturally, and without much effort. For now, I’m just resting in the arms of the Lord.

©2010 Dennis Green