All About Eve

by Dennis Green

The tale of Adam and Eve is apophrical. A woman tempts a man into error, which leads to their mutual downfall. They are expelled from Paradise in nakedness and shame, and their two sons, who, so far as we can tell, mate with their mother, get into a brawl and one kills the other. The curse is then borne by Cain’s offspring, who are destroyed by the Great Flood, while the sons of Abel are spared. Whew!

Talk about your Hebraic Tragedy! The ancient Greeks never came up with anything more telling. But what does it mean?

We are told that Eve is tempted by the serpent to partake of the fruit of “The Tree of the Knowledge of Good & Evil,” duality perhaps??? And then she persuades Adam, with her fateful charms, to partake too. They have been granted complete freedom in the Garden of Eden, with this one prohibition, so when they break it, they feel immediate guilt, and hide their nakedness under fig leaves. God sees their newfound modesty, and knows what it means.

There has been much speculation over the years about the meaning of all this. Nakedness and sexuality, the duality of good and bad that doesn’t exist in a state of Innocence. But perhaps we have a situation in current events which may shed some further light on this ancient Mythos.

A young man succeeds in his chosen field beyond all expectations. He wins ten out of twelve consecutive contests. He is named spokesman for all sorts of products and services, from Nike to Chiclets gum. Soon, he is the first professional golfer to be worth a billion dollars.

And then he meets a woman determined to join with him in matrimony. But first, she must sign a pre-nuptial decree that limits her takeaway should they ever divorce. She signs it gladly, and coaxes, cajoles, caresses him into the marriage bed. All is bliss and they are set to live happily ever after.

And there is only one taboo: Marital Infidelity. The Tree of the Knowledge of Other Women, in the Biblical Sense. If that ensues, all bets are off. They are, as a couple, happy in public, happy to be photographed, happy to be together alone at last at the end of a long day or tournament.

And then, the blessed event, children! All that was missing to complete the portrait of perfect domestic bliss. And then…who knows..? But something went seriously sideways between them, our dark Adam and his blonde bombshell Eve. It may be that, as for many women post-partum, her libido simply up and died. It may be that he witnessed the birthing, and couldn’t quite look at…her…the same way ever again. Whatever it was, I suspect it produced some degree of frustration.

Cover thy nakedness! As Yeats writes, “Saint Joseph thought the world would melt/but liked the way his finger smelt…” And this: “Eros has pitched her tent/beside the place of excrement…” This from the poet who died after surgery to implant monkey glands to revive his sexuality!

So now the Mrs. Woods is saying that she is going to file for divorce, but that she’s going to wait until “everything has come out, because then I’ll have more leverage…” Now Tiger knows what Paul McCartney felt like. And also, perhaps, Adam the Heir to Eden. Or even me. Why is it that the adults always look so much worse than the kids?

Eve is not merely the archetypal First Woman, but also the First Wife. (I’d say “First Mate,” but that sounds too much like Starbuck…) And as First Wife, she sends a chill down the spine of any man who has one. If this were a nursery story, it would be a Grimm one indeed, enough so to warn little boys against those evil, scheming little Eves.

©2009 Dennis Green