by Dennis Green
It’s all about the nookie. Not the golf, not the celebrity, not the marriage vows. It’s all about the nookie. And when a husband strays, especially a new father, what does that say about the nookie?
Well, it’s just possible that there wasn’t any. Not at home. No nookie going on at home… Just an outside chance. That sexy blonde woman he is married to…now just another wife. A new mother. Maybe she didn’t have time for him, or the inclination.
And I hate to break your hearts, but women also stray. Some of the hottest love affairs I’ve had were with married women. And every woman I’ve been married to has been there too. It’s all about the nookie.
There either is, or there ain’t no nookie going on. And if, for whatever reason, the relationship, the marriage or the affair, is post-coital, or non-coital, you’ve always got a choice. You can go without or find some elsewhere. I doubt very seriously that if Tyger, Tyger had been burning brightly at home he would have strayed.
And when a married man, or a married woman, strays, the outrage is unavoidable, and so, if the stray gets caught at it, is the guilt. The recriminations come next, but somewhere in all the melodrama the real work of being married gets lost. Being married is the hardest thing we will ever try to do, and some of us succeed better at it than others, but it is truly god-awful hard work.
And Lord knows the woman who sits at home with the new babies while her husband is dangling out is to be pitied, not to be blamed. But besides the philandering hubby, she is the only one who really knows about the nookie, and whether it plays any part in the dramatic action, even somewhere offstage. And if she feels inadequate in any way that can only add to her grief.
But as for Tyger, or any man, or any woman, who strays, I think we should all be very careful before we rush to judgment. Even if we are completely without sin, or the same sin, the stone we hurl today may come back to bonk us on the bean tomorrow. Karma is like that.
Fidelity is highly overrated. And its incidence exaggerated. Even during Victorian times, many married men frequented bordellos, and they don’t distribute condoms to married U.S. soldiers during wartime because of buggery in foxholes. The gossips get all het up about “the media, and rap music and all those lingerie commercials,” but the truth is that boys will be boys and girls will be girls and that ain’t gonna change.
And adultery is just plain damned exciting fun. Although it’s there prohibited in the Ten Commandments, it doesn’t figure at all in Jesus’ Two. In fact, “Love thy neighbor as thyself” could be inviting, depending on the neighbor!
Perhaps nookie is not even the best measure of a person’s character — where he or she gets it and at what cost — as they say, marriage is a lot more expensive than the Chicken Ranch. Perhaps we will be judged not by the nookie we get or give, but by what it is that pre-occupies our thoughts and our conversations, by how we treat “the least among us,” by the things that we make and the good that we do.
What a concept! Maybe even Tyger, the first billionaire golfer, will find, in the midst of all this nookie and talk of nookie and his fabled “disgrace,” something to do with all that money besides spousal support and bills for freelance nookie. As even Paul McCartney sang, “Can’t buy me love!”
And the Saturday daytime bartender at the Lemon Tree has already written the tagline for his new sponsorship by Trojan condoms: “Put a little Tyger on your Wood!” I see a whole new career for our man…
©2009 Dennis Green
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