De Facto Power Shifts

by Dennis Green

[Fox News Now Special Report] Dateline Washington, D.C. Viewers may recall that in January, 2000, in a childish display of frat boy humor, Clinton staffers, on their way out of the White House, removed or disabled the “W” key on all the typewriters and computers they left behind. Some have speculated that in the early days of the Bush administration, in one of those “unintended consequences,” this prank caused a de facto shift in power to Vice President Dick Cheney, who began receiving all the more important memos.

[Show clip of Cheney cradling shotgun…]

Now, investigators from Fox News Now have discovered that Bush staffers, in a fair play turnabout, pulled off a similar coup by removing or disabling all of the “O” computer keys on their way out. They also re-programmed the “auto-correct” feature on the computers so that the personal pronoun capital “I” would always default to a “U” symbol. Jolly good fun.

[Show clip of George W. grinning broadly.]

But again, the unintended consequences of these merry pranksters’ mischief making are manifold. We believe the disabled “O” has led to a de facto power shift in the Obama White House — not to Vice President Joe Biden — but to White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emmanuel, who appears to be calling all the shots.

And the disabled personal pronoun has created a curious rhetorical shift in Obama’s perspective. In his speeches, he says “we will negotiate with you, the Iranian people,” and that “we will empower each and every American with these protections…”

[Show clip of Obama speaking in Cairo.]

In fact, in his first 340 days in office, Obama has given 927 speeches and has not used the personal pronoun “I” even once. He has never said, for example, “I want this to happen or I will do that…”

This may account for the unusual diffidence or stand-offishness evident in the highest office in the land, the very opposite of that take charge, command presence, mission accomplished predecessor of his. It may, in fact, account for the slogans Democrats have just rolled out for the 2010 midterm elections:

“U Can Do It!”

And

“Status Quo U Can Believe In!”

Someday, perhaps, historians will ponder these little known facts uncovered by the dogged determination of your trustworthy correspondents and reporters at Fox News Now, and conclude, as we have, that even the smallest actions can have far-reaching consequences.

[Close on moderator, yours truly.]

©2009 Dennis Green